i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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