She said her name was "party"
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
