I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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