So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
