This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
