Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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