We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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