3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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