Sry I called you an 8
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
