Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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