hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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