friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
