You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
