I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
