Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
