I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
