My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
