why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
