oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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