im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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