So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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