so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
