Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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