just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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