Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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