i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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