i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
