Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
