While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
