I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
