We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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