Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sarcasm needs its own font
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
