let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
