Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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