I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
