Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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