Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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