I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
