Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
