How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
