also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
