He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
