You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
