he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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