As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
