yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
