seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's always time for handjobs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
