Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
