Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
