Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
