dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
