I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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