I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
