the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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