we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
