Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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