You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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