just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
