Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
