I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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