and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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