I got chris browned last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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