i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
