omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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