She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
