My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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