i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
