dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize