i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
